


All The Kings Men

by TheGeniusCallsYou



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: All aboard the Feels train, Amnesia, Angst, Bittersweet, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ex-military Harry Wells, Gen, Memory Loss, Sad, post 4x19, you’ve been warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 17:36:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14454360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGeniusCallsYou/pseuds/TheGeniusCallsYou
Summary: Harry is loosing his mind - not only his intelligence but memories as well. He just wished he had more time...And all the king’s horses and all all the king’s men couldn’t put him back together again...





	All The Kings Men

**Author's Note:**

> I swear, Harry’s arc is slowely killing me. Here’s the result.

_Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.  
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.  
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men  
Couldn’t put Humpty together again..._

 

 

It was bad. Worse than they could have imagine. The worst part was that they had believed they still had time. Well, not they - he. He had made a mistake, another one. Maybe his last. He had hoped it would be a small at a time kind of process. How wrong he had been…

 

 

The man sat on the stool. There was a whiteboard in front of him and a marker risen halfway up in his hand. He looked at the board, blinking, with evident confusion at what he was seeing. There were numbers but they didn’t make any sense. They should but still didn’t. The man frowned. Was he the one who had written all of it? It sure looked like his handwriting. He moved his gaze to the marker in his hand. If he hadn’t written it, then why was he holding the marker? But then, why couldn’t he remember doing it? Numbers, symbols and drawings - they all mocked him from the board. He had a feeling he should know what they meant, he should understand them but his mind was blank. How long had he been in this room? Why didn’t he remember coming in here nor writing nor understanding?! Why? WHY?! 

“Harry?” The man jumped startled. The marker fell down from his hand and rolled on the floor. He turned with his mouth slightly agape. “You ok?”

“I’m fine, Snow,” No he wasn’t. But he couldn’t tell her that. Not yet. Not with DeVoe still being a threat. They had bigger things to worry about than his broken mind. He bent down to pick up the marker. “Just lost in thoughts.”

“What are you working on?” He paused and felt a slight panic rising inside of him. Play it cool. It would be all right. Wrong. He picked up the marker.

“What? This?” He waved to the board as he straightened up. “It’s not important. See? Not important,” he began to wipe it all clean, not looking at Caitlin.

“Need any help?” She stood next to him now and he swallowed. Yes, he needed a lot of help but he couldn’t ask for it. Not yet. He shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It looked kinda important.”

He wouldn’t knew if it was. “It wasn’t.” There was a time, when he had known. He was paying the price for his own stupidity. His hand clutched the eraser harder and he screw his eyes shut. Suddenly, there was a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you ok?”

“I’m fine,” he snapped and instantly regretted it. She didn’t deserve this. There was silence between them and he still hadn’t opened his eyes.

“You know that you can talk to me, right? Whatever’s wrong we can work it out together.”

“Wrong? There’s nothing wrong with me, Snow!” He jerked away from her touch.  
There was hurt in her eyes and he quickly looked away turning back to the board. “I need to work,” he said not soon after. She was hesitating, he could tell but then she walked out from the room. His breathing was irregular and he clutched the eraser harder. The board was clean now, just like his mind. He threw the eraser across the room and grabbed the board so hard it hurt. Harry Wells wanted to scream or weep or both. He didn’t notice Cisco watching him from the doorway.

 

 

 

It had happened again and again. He knew the rest of the team would finally catch up and notice. It was just a matter of time. Ramon had wanted him to talk but he couldn’t. Not yet, not until they defeated DeVoe. That was the most important thing right now. But his relapses were more frequent now. One minute he was doing something the next he didn’t know what it was anymore or how to continue. Ramon was always there, watching him like a hawk, catching the moment his hands stilled, pushing him away from the job at hand, making excuses for him… he wondered for how long it could continue like this. He wondered how long it would take for Ramon to notice that it hadn’t been only science stuff he was forgetting but others as well…

 

 

Harry tried to work out the pattern but it seemed there wasn’t one. Sometimes he would forget things from the distant past, sometimes from the present. Sometimes, he would remember and sometimes not. It wasn’t like Alzheimer’s, it was much worse.The first time he had walked into the cortex and saw everyone gathered around the monitor, not remembering what he had been doing there in the first place had been like a cold shower for him. It had taken him few minutes to remember then but it had scared him. A lot. The moment Ramon had caught his terrified and lost gaze over Barry’s shoulder he had known something more was wrong.

 

“It’s not just science stuff, right?” He cornered him later that day in the Time Vault where he tried to find a solution, a pattern or whatever. When he didn’t answer, he caught his arm to gain his attention. “Harry, if there’s more -“

“- There’s not,” he snapped. He made the mistake of looking back at Ramon. The younger man wasn’t fooled.

“We need to tell the others. I can’t help you alone and it’s getting worse.”

In the end he persuaded Ramon not to do this. Told him he had it under control, that he could hold on till they deal with DeVoe. He had practically begged him to wait. Well, he had been wrong about holding on, he had been wrong many times recently.

 

 

 

Caitlin had learnt the hard way. She was walking down the corridor lost in thought about Killer Frost when she collided with someone. She hurried to apologise when her eyes met a very confused looking Harry. She felt a spike of fear. She didn’t know why, but something was wrong. 

“Oh! Sorry about that, didn’t see where I was going.”   
He rubbed his neck embarrassed.

“I wasn’t neither, don’t worry.” He looked lost and the bad feeling wasn’t leaving her. He was looking around as if he didn’t know where he was. “Harry? Is everything alright?” He looked at her startled as if surprised at hearing his own name from her mouth. What was going on? 

“Sorry, do I know you? I usually know the name of every employee but I can’t recall yours. Did Tess hire you? And what happened to the place? It looks deserted!”

He was rumbling now, about some research and about Tess. Red flags flared in her mind and she could hear alarms ringing there too. Her doctor mode kicked in, something was very, very wrong. She approached him slowly and carefully as she would a frightened animal.

“Doctor Wells, do you know where you are?” Doctor Wells, not Harry. The man wasn’t their Harry right now. He looked at her as if she was an idiot.

“Where? In S.T.A.R. Labs, where else? Is this some stupid game?” Caitlin shock her head.

“What year do we have?”

“What year - look, I don’t care. Do you know where my wife is? I need to talk to her, I don’t have time for whatever you think you’re doing,” he moved to walk pass her but she grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“Harry, what date do we have?” She was scared now, he was scaring her. Not only because of his behaviour but there was no recognition in his eyes when he looked down at her. Right now he looked annoyed. 

“It’s 1998, have you hit your head or something?” A chill run down her spine. Chill so profound that for a second she thought Killer Frost was back. But it had nothing to do with her, not this time. Harry must have seen the fear in her eyes and his own lost the sharp edge. His body tensed and he looked at her with uncertainty.

“It - It’s 1998, right?” She swallowed and gripped his arm tighter. She could see panic rising in his eyes. “Tess - Where’s my wife? I need to talk to her.”

“It’s 2018,” she said carefully and watched his eyes widen in shock. How could she tell him the other part? “Your wife…” she didn’t need to continue. He knew. Somehow he knew, as he should.   
Harry broke away from her grip and stumbled into the wall. He screw his eyes shut. No,no,no. It couldn’t be. No. Impossible. He was- he just- and he talked - no! “Harry! You need to breathe! Take a deep breath, come on. Come on, Harry!” He finally listened and took a big gulp of air but started coughing out immediately. He doubled over. Nothing made any sense! There were hands on his face. Woman’s hands. Tess? No it wasn’t her. She was dead. Why didn’t he remember that? He opened his eyes. They were red from the lack of air and coughing. There was a woman crouched in front of him.

“Snow?” He croaked out. What was he doing on the floor? Or in the corridor for the matter. He didn’t remember coming down here. He was in the lab. There was worry clearly written across the woman’s face but something eased there when he called out her name. She nodded. “What -“

“Hey man, you ok?” Cisco came down running as he spotted both of them on the floor. Harry wanted to answer but Caitlin was faster.

“He’s not.”

“Yes, I am,” he swatted her hands away and moved to stand up. His legs felt like a jelly and he would fell back again if it wasn’t for arms that curled around him. Those arms guided him back towards the floor. He didn’t feel alright.

“What happened?” He heard Ramon ask. Those were his hands. He kept his eyes shut, couldn’t have bring himself to look at either of his friends.

“He- he thought it was 1998. Didn’t recognise me at all. Cisco, what’s going on?” Cisco was swearing under his breath - Harry heard it just fine. His stomach dropped. He had forgotten whole 20 years? But… He could remember them now. It was getting worse. He didn’t wait for Ramon to answer. 

“I’m losing my mind,” he whispered and was met with silence. He felt Caitlin touching his shoulder gently.

“What do you mean?” He opened his eyes and looked briefly to Ramon who nodded gently. It was time. He let out a shaky breath.

“Ramon, help me up,” his legs still felt shaky but there was no going back now. Cisco was reluctant to let him go as if afraid that he would fell the moment when left for his own. “Come with me,” he didn't wait for an answer and moved towards the Time Vault. Yes, it was time. 

He showed her what he had shown Ramon earlier on. Let the scans speak for themselves. He couldn’t bring himself to do it. When she asked questions Cisco was the one to answer them. At first she was angry, not only about the dark matter but that they hadn’t told her too.

“How long?” She asked turning towards him. He couldn't look her in the eye.

“Since Dibney,” he finally answered.

“Oh, Harry,” her voice broke at the last syllable of his name. Harry shut his eyes. He deserved it, it was all his own fault after all. Too smart for his own good. He was lost in his own broken mind when he felt arms slowly wrapping around his shoulders. He stood still, not daring to move. “We’ll fix this. We’re a team,” he felt her hot breath against his ear. His arms went around her and squeezed for dear life while he hid his face in her shoulder. Caitlin’s tears fell behind his collar. He wanted to weep to.

 

 

 

They defeated DeVoe. Finally, but it was bitter sweet. Bitter because they all had learned about Harry’s mind and that so far Caitlin and Cisco couldn’t figure out any way to help him. By that time Harry almost couldn’t remember how to work a computer. He hated the looks of pity he was getting from everybody. From Allen, Iris and especially from Joe. The man had warned him. He hadn’t listen.   
They all swore they would find a solution, that they wouldn’t stop. He knew better. Soon, he would lose everything. Man was himself as long as he had his memories and Harry was slowly losing his. He didn’t remember his first day at the university nor his first kiss. No more.   
More and more he was afraid to go to sleep. What if upon waking up he wouldn’t remember a thing? Or he would have that kind of relapse that happened with Caitlin not so long ago when he hadn’t know where he was? The truth was, Harry was petrified. More than he had ever been.

 

 

The day he forgot Jesse’s birth he crushed the whole lab. Chairs, tables and equipment went flying and crushing. He sat in this rumble that reminded him so much of his own mind. Broken pieces and shards that couldn’t be put back together again. He could see them - slipping away as he sat there, his backs rested against the wall, hands cut by the glass. There was a card stuck to the desk. The words “Jesse - Planetarium” written with his own handwriting. He didn’t know what it meant anymore. He knew it was important, he felt the hollow emptiness in his heart when he stared at that card. It was another reason to destroy the lab. Harry wanted to scream, he was pretty sure he had had. Useless, that’s what he was. Useless and stupid, a shadow of his old self. 

He didn’t know how long he sat there with his forehead resting against his knees when he felt some gentle arms wrapping around him. He let himself be guided sideways until his head rested against someone's shoulder and hazelnut hair obscured his vision.

“We’ll figure it out,” Caitin said. He very much doubted it. From his half-closed eyelids he could see Ramon moving around, gathering pieces of broken equipment and putting them aside without a word. Chairs were moved against the wall, soon the whole room looked more or less as before. Cisco, Caitlin - He didn’t deserve them. Not a bit. And if Caitlin felt his tears wetting her blouse or Cisco noticed them, neither of them said anything. All the king’s horses and all all the king’s men couldn’t put him back together again.

 

 

He was forgetting more and more, that’s why he now sat in front of the computer, seeing his own face and clicking the right button to start recording.

“I don’t know how much you-I remember,” he started after taking a deep breath. It was harder than he thought. “Your name is Harrison Wells and the year now is 2018. Your mother was an English teacher and your father a… mechanic,” that’s right. He got it right so far. He didn’t know for how long he had spoken. He wanted to say as much as he could. There were things he was already scared he would forget. He didn’t save the file. Ramon was the one that did it for him. Lately, he understood how HR must had felt.

 

 

 

“Harry, put the gun down!”

“No! You won’t get me! You won’t break me!”

“Let her go, you don’t want to hurt her.”

“Harry, let Caitlin go.”

He felt panic. Adrenaline was in every corner of his body, filling his veins, blinding him. There were people surrounding him, people he didn’t recognise. The last thing he remembered was getting knocked out by a blast from a grenade, then he had woken up here. None of his men in sight. Had they been captured? Killed? He didn’t know. Didn’t remember. But suddenly all of those people had appeared. His instinct kicked in and he had grabbed the gun lying on the table. They won’t get any intel from him. His men - he had to find them, save them. 

The woman was stiff in his grip and he pressed the gun harder to her temple.

“Where are my men? What have you done to them?”

“Harry, you need to listen. We’re not gonna hurt you but you need to let Caitlin go.” The hispanic boy said. He shook his head.

“Your tricks won’t work. I won’t tell you a thing.”

“Put the gun down, son. There are no enemies here. The war is over.” Harry looked towards the new voice. The older guy held his police badge up. It could be a trick. He wouldn’t be tricked, not again. Too many lives were at stake. He won’t fail them.

“It’s not over. I would remember it being over,” he hissed.

“You’re sick Harry, that’s why you don’t remember. We’re here to help,” the hispanic boy again. Something stirred in his mind. Was it doubt? No! It was the enemy, they must have messed with his brain. There was no other choice. He didn’t want to hurt the woman and he was surrounded anyway. He was an officer, he had his duty. He couldn’t give up what he knew. He hoped Tess would forgive him. 

Cisco watched as Harry’s eyes sharpened. He didn’t know how but somehow he knew what the man was planning as soon as he pushed Caitlin aside. Joe had the same idea.

“BARRY!” He screamed as he saw Harry pulling the gun towards his own head, finger on the trigger. He didn't manage to push it. The speedster took the pistol away from him and pushed him to the floor and Cisco run towards him.

“Your name’s Harrison Wells, the year is 2018. You’re on Earth-1 in S.T.A.R. Labs. You’re losing your memory because of a failed experiment. We’re your friends, Harry. No one’s here to hurt you.” Cisco didn’t remember how many times he had already said those lines but they worked every time. He hoped they would now too. 

Harry felt as if he was waking up from a dream. No, a nightmare. He was lying face down on the floor. His mind in shambles, more than before. He groaned.

“Ramon?” He watched as the man crouching next to him visibly relaxed. Harry sat on the floor cradling his head. It hurt. The last time it hurt like that… his eyes winded and he looked around. He noticed the gun in Barry’s hand and how everybody stood tense and shaken around him. “What have I done?” It was Caitlin who approached him with strained smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

“Nothing. It wasn’t your fault,” but it was. It wasn’t long now. Soon, he would be completely lost… He bowed his head in shame. For a split second he wished Barry didn’t take the gun away from him. All would be much easier then. For all of them.

 

 

 

They didn’t know when exactly it had happened. One day Harry still remembered things, the next day he woke up with his mind completely blank. He didn’t know where he was, who he was or what had happened. They had found him wandering around the corridors totally lost and confused. That was just wrong. Seeing Harry like that… It was hard. Cisco blamed himself, Caitlin too, they all did. They promised him they would find a way. They already had lost HR and Cisco would be dead himself before they would lose another Wells. Harry was still Harry. They could still help him. They wouldn’t give up, not now. 

“Why did I do it?” Cisco turned around to see Harry standing up in the doorway. He looked lost. So un-Harry.

“Did what?”

“Built the cap. I’ve watched my recording, I said It was because of my stupidity.”

“No. You weren’t stupid.” Cisco stood up from his stool and approached the man. God, it was hard to see him like this. “You were too caring. Wanted to save us, it backfired.” He seemed to ponder that. After a few moments of silence, Cisco turned back to get back to work. He had to find a solution.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he whipped around but Harry was already gone. Cisco shut his eyes tightly. It didn’t help that it wasn’t their first conversation like that. Nor second. He had lost count after twenty. 

 

 

 

When Jesse came it was unexpected. They all had hoped they would fix Harry before it came to that. As always things didn’t go as planned.   
Harry was writing in his notepad when he heard steps from behind. He was used to it now. He made sure to stick as many notes around him as he could - he didn’t know how much he would remember in an hour or when he woke up. One of the notes described every members of the team, the other told him about his video and so on. He was working on the next note when someone cleared his throat behind him.

“Dad?” He closed his eyes. He was afraid of this reunion from the moment he learnt he had a daughter. He turned around. There was a young woman in her twenties standing before him. She looked uncertain and he wandered how did he look.

“You must be Jesse,” he said slowly while standing up. He watched as tears welled up in the girls eyes. He felt like crying too. God, it was messed up. “I’m sorry, I-“ he didn’t know what to say. What? Sorry I don’t remember you? How could he not remember his own daughter?! What kind of father was he? He tried to remember, he really did. Everytime he thought he had it, the thought slipped away from him. “I don’t-“ he tried again to no avail. His heart was breaking at the sight of the girl who looked as if she was barely holding it all together. She ran to him and wrapped her hands around his neck holding him as if her life depended on it. 

“I’m sorry - I’m so sorry,” he repeated again. His own arms coming around her. How couldn’t he remember her? Just how?! He felt tears in his own eyes threatening to fall.

“I’m here, daddy. I’m not going anywhere,” she choked out still holding him. Part of him was grateful, the other part wanted her to go. She shouldn’t see him like that. No child deserved that. She should have left him, it’s not like he would remember her being here anyway.

“I don’t care,” she whispered. She held him even tighter. He didn’t realise he had spoken his fears aloud. 

The worst part was he was right. He had forgotten again. And again. And again. And each time was more painful than the last one.

“Who are you?”  
“It’s me, dad. Jesse.”

“I’m Jesse, your daughter.”  
“I have a daughter?”

“I don’t know you, who are you?”  
“It’s me, daddy. It’s Jesse. Your little girl.”

Harry wanted to scream and pull his hair out. The girl was looking at him with such big and sad eyes. He couldn’t remember. The look on the girl-Jesse’s face was breaking his heart. He had a feeling it wasn’t their first conversation. He wondered how long he could go on like this…

 

 

 

In the end it was Jesse who came up with the idea for a solution. Cisco was impressed. Hell, he was more than that. She was truely her father’s daughter. They built a machine based on Harry’s memory transmitter - the same he used to give Jesse the memories of her mother. They modified it so it would kick start Harry’s synapses. From what Caitlin had gathered, Harry’s memories were still there, there were just blocked. They needed to unblock them. After that… well it would probably take some time to regain it all. Harry let them lead him to the med bay, strap him to the table and put the electrodes on jhis head.

“I told myself to trust you, so I do,” he said referring to the recording. They hoped it would work. It wasn’t as if they could test it somehow to make sure. They didn't even know if it was completely safe. Harry took a deep breath as Jesse hooked him up to the heart monitor. It wasn’t long before he felt her hand slipping into his and squeezing.

“You’re not alone, dad,” he nodded not opening his eyes all grateful for her presence. He squeezed her hand back.

“See you later?” He murmured. He thought he heard her stiffen a sob.

“Yeah.” 

Cisco looked at Caitlin across the table and she nodded. It was now or never. He pulled the lever down and watched as the power bar climbed up on the screen. It was at 75% when Harry’s body tensed and he jerked unexpectedly. The alarm on the heart monitor suddenly screamed.

Harry felt as if he was floating. He was surrounded by darkness. All around him were weird looking, deformed shards. They looked like glass but somehow the man knew that wasn’t it. There were images on those shards but he couldn’t see them clearly. Everytime he drew his hand towards one of them, they were floating further away. He thought he could hear voices from somewhere. Nothing made a lot of sense in here. Whispers in his ears and broken pieces floating around him… where was he? Suddenly there was an explosion of light in front of him. He shielded his eyes but it was to no avail. The light came closer and soon it swallowed him whole and with it came a bursting pain in his head. His skull felt as if someone wanted to rip it from the inside while at the same time sticking icicles through his eyesockets. He scratched at his eyes and held his head tight. Why wouldn’t it just stop?!  
Harry Wells screamed from the top of his lungs. The Light fade to Black. And so did the pain.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have a moment, leave a commnet - I would love to hear your thoughts :)


End file.
